


As I fade

by Pottpepper008



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Winter Soldier (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Brain Damage, Brain Surgery, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky Barnes Returns, Chronic Illness, Cold, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Falling In Love, Fever, Fluff, Headaches & Migraines, Hurt Bucky Barnes, Hurt/Comfort, Hydra (Marvel), Illnesses, Pain, Pneumonia, Protective Loki (Marvel), Protective Natasha Romanov, Protective Steve Rogers, Sick Bucky Barnes, Sickfic, Stomach Ache, Terminal Illnesses, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-06
Updated: 2018-07-19
Packaged: 2019-06-06 06:59:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 11,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15189332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pottpepper008/pseuds/Pottpepper008
Summary: Post avengers 4.Steve Rogers finally decided to pursue Sharon. Yes there are still threats but it's given with his line of work. He decided that for once he's going to give himself a favor and just be happy.James Buchanan Barnes was totally okay with it. he's happy even,  but he never would've thought that life without steve beside him all the time would be tough. With all the hostility the other avengers are showing him,  it's depressing inside the facility. He made friends with a certain God of mischief though,  having almost the same past but given that he's royalty he can't be there all the time.And finally when everything just seems to get worse he discovered he has this illness because of hydras experiments.But then again,  Natasha Romanov,  fresh from her break up with Bruce banner,  the one who despises him was asigned to look after him.Will she still be as hostile to bucky or will she get trapped in the last place she wanted to be. His heart.





	1. Chapter 1

"Well he did shoot me twice before and it hurt like hell. Yeah Clint we helped at the airport, but the thing is we were helping Steve. Not him." Nat told Clint while cleaning her pistols as Clint checked his arrows in the armoury.  
Bucky was roaming around the compound, not meaning to hear every word they said. He didn't mean to eavesdrop, but here he is, hiding behind a post and hanging on to every word.

"He was brainwashed Nat. What's worse is he was in cyro, then on the chair, then sent on missions, got beaten, then his entire memory would be wiped out ... and I can't even dare to imagine how painful those tortures were." Clint said. 

"But that doesn't mean that he's not going to snap any minute now. Who knows what those trigger words were?" Sam offered his thoughts.

"He stayed in Wakanda and princess Shuri already took care of that. In case you've forgotten, he fought with us in Wakanda when that purple bean bag wanted to kill half the universe. Besides, he also turned to dust like you Sam, and when he got back, he was Bucky and not The winter soldier." Clint stood up as he headed towards the door. Upon hearing this, Bucky got out of the area as fast as he could and settled in the Avengers common room happy to be the only one around.

He fixed a cup of coffee and sighed to himself. Most of the team didn't trust him. It wasn't their fault, but It's not his fault either. He wanted to get out of there but he does not want Steve to worry so he just goes by everyone else's remarks day by day.


	2. Mission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky don't want to work today.   
> Nat and Sam are bullies and Tony is being well, Tony.
> 
> Loki is an angel and bucky is thankful for that

The mission was really simple. He did not even know why the whole team was sent to do it. Steve and him could've done it or even Thor could've done it alone in mere seconds but then again there they were punching their way through rebels who thought it was a gold mine to hoard all alien tech and hydra weapons and sell it to terrorists. It was hot in those parts and he was really not in the mood for a mission.

After somewhat hours of securing everything, by dusk they all reformed inside the quin jet beat and tired. That's good maybe,  at least he's not the only one feeling dreadful. Even Loki was resting his head on Thor's back. Seems like his magic was spent too. Maria Hill was on the screen in front of them for debriefing and Bucky just can't seem to focus his eyes on it. He's head was throbbing now and his eyes teared up because of the heat that radiates from inside him. 

"Steve" He called out. Silencing Maria while he earned glares from the other hostile avengers.

"Buck?" Steve turned his head towards his friend and his eyes widened. Bucky's face was so pale and his lips turned into a slight tinge of blue. He tried to stand and reach for Steve but within seconds he already passed out.

\------

Earlier that morning, Steve woke up and left his room wearing his suit while holding a folder on his left hand. He gathered the avengers in the assembly area as he announced their latest mission. He checked for everyone's attendance and even Thor and Loki were there. He noticed Bucky was missing and so did the others so he decided to go to his room and check on him.

"Buck?" Steve knocked. Heavy footsteps came towards the door and bucky emerged looking like a heaping pile of crap.

"Hey punk" He greeted while yawning; voice harsh and almost non audible. He's wearing a thick hoodie and warm pajamas with wool socks. He sniffed a little and his red nose looks like it's on fire.

" You down wih something pal? Because the others are already suited up and if you're not up to it then maybe you can sit this one out." Steve said voice filled with concern. 

"It's just a cold. Do you really need me to be there stevie? because if you do then I'll go suit up right now hhhheethphhhchew!!!" He sneezed while covering his nose and mouth with both hands.

"Really, so the winter soldier has a cold and he get's to sit a mission out? That must be some kind of a cold then? Tell me again why you were called the winter soldier but cannot stand a cold?" Tony showed up behind Steve voice snarky and annoying.

Steve just closed his eyes as if defeated and said nothing. Bucky humiliated, turned his back and told Steve that he's just going to suit up and it will only take a minute. Tony left smiling confidently while Steve just shook his head not wanting to start an argument. 

When he entered the quin jet,  Steve was already briefing them with the plan, he wanted to sit down but Sam placed his feet on the only vacant seat beside him so Bucky just stood up hoping that the dizziness he felt won't cause his stomach to do cartwheels and pour out all his breakfast. Loki noticed this so he stood up and offered his seat to the man. Bucky though a bit shy towards the prince,  did not hesitate seeing as that is the only way he could avoid embarassing himself even more. When they landed, Loki came up to him.

"I could put pink feathers on that bastards damn wings if you'd like?" Loki smiled at him ready to conjure his magic but bucky just laughed and told him not to thinking of the possible consequences both of them might face after the fight. He couldn't bear thinking about Thor and Steve lecturing both of them the whole night saying that 'There's always a proper place and time for jokes and a mission is not one of them'. The idea sounds tempting but the aftermath is not worth it. So both of them just continued their attacks until all is secured. Loki casting illusions,  attacking machines with his magic and shielding him most of the time. By the end of the mission the God was spent and all bucky could do is thank him.

 

\-----

"How is he?" Steve asked Bruce after Bucky was stabilized the moment they reached his lab.

"Im not going to say he's fine Cap. He's fever is too high I'm scared it might fry his brain. I already administered fever reducers and gave him a tiny bit of sedative so that he'd have a good sleep without any dreams or nightmares. He should've sat this one out cap. The area was too hot and I think he was already running a fever even before we went out. It's not just a cold"  Bruce explained to Steve.

Steve just nodded his head and looked at the other Avengers. Some of them might not like Bucky but all of them were genuinely concerned about his status right now. Tony blamed himself a bit for being to cocky and Natasha and Sam felt guilty for giving the guy a hard time. In the end they all went to their separate quarters as per Bruce's orders since all of them are tired from the mission. Steve stayed at his bestfriend's side after taking a shower and changing to fresh clothes. He watched him sleep peacfully and within minutes he was fast asleep too.


	3. Loki's Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki just wanted to help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys i appreciate every comments and critisisms. It helps me learn more about writing... Brighten up my day pls. Lemme know whattya think. Thanks

"Loki?" Thor said softly as he approached the God of mischief who's absorbed on a book his reading. 

"hmm" He looked up at him.

"Sargeant Barnes is already in the infirmary. Since he is your friend,  I thought you might want to know" Thor informed him. Loki quickly got up extremely concerned for his friend.

"He was there since we came back from the mission? I should've checked on him. He was quite off this morning but I paid it no mind since I am aware of his enhanced healing abilities. I should go see him. Will you lead the way brother?" 

\---

Thor knocked at the door and allowed Loki to enter.

"Sargeant, Loki is here. I'll leave you two as I have to go back to Asgard to attend to my duties. You may stay here with him Loki for as long as you like. I shall ask Brunhilde to assume your duties in the council whilst you're away." Thor said.

The two brothers bowed to each other and exchanged a warm hug before Thor left the room.

"Sargeant Barnes, how do you fair?" Loki asked as he sat beside his friend resting a palm on Bucky's shoulder.

"Hey Lokes, can't say Im having a good time here. They have these tests and Bruce keeps on poking and checking my vitals almost every hour. It's kinda lonely and irritating at the same time." Bucky replied, eyes droopy as he looked at his friend.

"I apologize terribly for not being here for you when you passed out as I was also taken to the med wing immediately by Thor, with my magic having been completely depleted."  
Loki explained.

"There's nothing to forgive Lokes. Actually I've been meaning to thank you rather. You really used up all your magic because of me. Now dont even think for one second that I haven't noticed you shielding me the whole time. I was too tired and clumsy I should've had more injuries than this but you protected me during the whole skirmish."

"Well I figured you needed a hand so that's what I did. Now with that already out of the way, I have to ask, can you sit up? I have to scan you so that we'll figure out what's wrong with you." Loki said as he stood up and helped Bucky sit. He propped some pillows against his back and Bucky leaned on them shivering a bit from being cold.

Loki's palms glowed green then he held his hand to Bucky's forehead performing a scan. Bucky's eyes turned white as Loki entered the corners of his mind. He saw the winter soldier beeing erradicated by Wakanda's technology. He saw the missions, the experiments, the torture of hydra... He took his time and dived a little more hoping to find an answer. He saw Bucky on the chair screaming his lungs out, screaming for Steve. Just like how he screamed for Thor when "THE OTHER" was ripping his bones apart during his time in the void. Nobody came to Bucky's rescue just like nobody came to his either. The pain is almost too real now but he is close. He has to know the source of Bucky's illness. Memory after memory he searched until he stumbled upon one scenario. Two doctors fighting; they were speaking russian but Loki speaks the all tongue so he can decipher the words properly. 

"We have to stop reseting him and wiping out his memories. It's affecting him physically. He's about five procedures away before his brain explodes" The first doctor yelled at the other. 

"It's what Pierce wants. Besides after he kills the Captain, that will be his last mission. He will be disposed anyway." Came the other's reply.

"Are you really all that heartless. This is a person. He is not the monster! You are!" The first doctor retaliated.

"Yes, maybe we are but you were a part of this also. In exchange for bigger money you left the hospital to work for hydra. You are a monster just like us." The other jabbed a sedative on Bucky's flesh arm then left the room while banging the door.

 

Loki's head felt like it's about to burst. He slowly lifted his magic trying to get back to the real world. After that he sat almost immediately, panting. He cleared his mind and almost panicked when he saw Bucky shivering violently.

"Sargeant... Sargeant Barnes..." he whispered but no answer came.

"Bucky!" He almost yelled and with that, Bucky's eyes opened immediately, fever bright and glassy.

"Loki.. It's my brain.. It's what's causing all these.." Bucky said holding on to the God's hands as if he's pleading.

"Bucky, I am so sorry if that brought back a lot of hurtful memories, but I really had to know what caused all these." 

He grabbed the blanket and covered Bucky up to his chin to help him warm up a little.

"You are over heated and currently running a dangerously high fever. I will extend my healing powers upon you just to lower down your temperature. I will also cast a dreamless spell so you may rest without being disturbed by nightmares." The God continued.

"Thank you Lokes. Thank you for being here while Steve couldn't" 

Bucky closed his eyes as Loki cast his spell. Allowing his friend to rest for the night.


	4. Busy Captain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve's busy with Sharon and though a bit jealous, Bucky is happy for his bestfriend. At least Loki is there sometimes, but he still needs some company. A pissed Natasha get's the baby sitting gig and the avengers can only hope for the best

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pls brighten up my day guys. Leave some of your thoughts. Thank u

"Hey pal, how are you?" Steve asked as he went inside Bucky's room in the infirmary. He was awake and apparently eating jell-o for desert.

"I'm good. I mean the chills are still there and I still have a fever but it's not as high or dangerous as yesterday. Loki came when you left and he did his mumbo jumbo that actually helped lower down my fever. How 'bout you?" Bucky asked.

"Well, me and Sharon went to Brookly, looked at some apartments...." Steve sat down casually without looking at Bucky.

Bucky bit his lip as he felt a pang of jealousy deep inside his chest. (This is it, they're finally moving in). He tried his hardest to wash away the fear and disappointment in his face but maybe because of his weakened state he was unsuccessful. He's not mad at Steve for choosing to be with Sharon. As a matter of fact Bucky thinks it's about time the guy gets to be with the girl he likes/loves. But somehow,  he has this fear that now he's all alone in the facility surrounded by people who doesn't like him that much. Sure he's an ally and he comes in handy in missions but really, among the group he's the most disposable. Even compared to Loki who's just as new and as reformed as him, Loki is a God with magic and all these amazing powers. While he's just a "captain america copycat with a metal arm". 

" Hey Buck, if you're not comfortable with this maybe we can postpone moving in together until you're settled or if you want we can find a two bedroom apartment so you can move in with us. It's really not a big deal." Steve told him feeling a tad guilty about his decision.

"You will do no such thing punk. I am old enough and well enough to be on my own. Maybe it's about time too. I'll be okay here or maybe I'll ask king T'challa if I can go back and settle in Wakanda. I kinda miss my hut and the people there." 

Bucky exerted with unnecessary force that it caused him a coughing fit. Steve shook his head and stood up to grab a glass of water from the tap and handed it to him. 

"I can't leave you in this state Buck. It worries me." 

"and I told you I will be fine." He replied catching his breath.

"Okay, but I will ask Fury to assign somebody to look after you. Loki's fine but he has duties in Asgard and we can't really take so much of his time. Especially now that Sigyn is back with him." Steve said with such authority in his tone that Bucky did not dare to argue anymore.

"Fine Captain." Bucky huffed and raised both his hands as a sign of mock defeat. 

Steve went to his bedside and pushed the table away from him. He tucked his blanket and propped his pillow to make sure he's comfortable as he sleeps. He brushed his hair a couple of times as Bucky closed his eyes and allowed sleep to take over him.

\-----

 

"So what's the deal with robocop cap?" Tony asked Steve as he entered the common room where most avengers were seated. 

" I don't know. Bruce has been pumping him with sedatives and fever reducers, even Loki went to him yesterday to heal him but all it did was lower down his temperature." He explained brows furrowed as he crossed his arms. 

"If you were not too busy 'fonduing' with your lady and if all of you were not stupid enough not to take a look at other possibilities then maybe you will know exactly what is going on. Honestly,  it disappoints me to hear that you are his bestfriend Captain when you can't even get to the bottom of this." Loki intervened emerging from the kitchen, with a cup of tea on his right hand.

" So you're saying you found out something last night?" Natasha asked.

"Of course silly midgardian girl. That's mainly because I am capable of using my brain rather than just my eyes." 

"Perhaps you can enlighten us Reindeer games rather than making us all feel like were beneath you because you just caught some hot gossip before everyone else did." Tony said with a fake smile.

Loki rolled his eyes and continued.  
"Well,  last night as I was about to heal him I decided to get into his mind and there I saw gruesome images about his torture. It wasn't pretty mind you. It took a while but I happen to have stumbled upon this piece of valuable scenario wherein two doctors were arguing about his mind. As they were ripping his memories apart,  brainwashing him and washing away all his knowlege about being James Barnes, they were also damaging his brain permanently. The last time they did it was during his last mission to kill you Steve. Now Bucky's brain is fragile,  broken and damaged." Loki stood up and motioned his hand to display a concise image of Bucky's brain. A certain part looks ragged and appears to have an infection. 

"Acquired Brain Injury." Bruce said the moment he saw the image.

"He must've gotten that from the chair." Sam said.

"Good guess captain obvious! Of course he got that from the chair. Whaddya think he got that from eating plums?" Stark blurted.

"I swear Stark if you won't shut up,  I will..."

"Enough!" Steve yelled resulting to Sam and Tony zipping their mouths immediately. 

"Loki,  is he... Dying?" Steve asked hesitantly,  trying to act strong.

"There is no point in stopping all your daily activities because of this Steve. No one really knows what will happen. He will have normal days, and he will have bad days. He can even go on missions. He will collapse,  go to sleep then wake up.Sometimes with a fever,  sometimes without it. Until one day, he may never wake up and that's about it." Bruce said.

"Hey,  you don't have to be that harsh." Clint butted in. 

"Well I refuse to just accept that. Really I do. I will get back to asgard,  do some research with the healers and then we will try to figure something out." said Loki.

 

It was in this exact moment when director Fury stepped in to join their meeting.

"Steve,  you called me?" He asked.

"Yes, it's actually about Bucky. He has this condition and he needs to be watched all the time if not,  most of the time. As of what we've discussed earlier,  as long as he's stable he can already join missions but it would be better if someone will be there to keep watch. I really can't take the responsibility since I have further commitments and my schedule is packed with missions and appointments. I would ask for your help if you can help us assign a person who can do the job since you know all of our assignments and schedules." Steve told him.

 

"Well, I have here the list of the priority missions and press releases and all your schedules. Pretty much Natasha has the most free time and given that she also has a background in nursing she's the best choice for this job." Fury said while checking on his Stark Tab.

Everyone looked at Nat and she looked like blood was drained from her face. 

"No wait seriously Nick you want me to babysit Barnes? In case you have forgotten, he shot me twice. He choked me with his metal arm. I am harboring all these resentment for years and now he's weak,  you want me to take care of him? What makes you think that I won't strangle him given the chance?" Natasha spoke up certainly annoyed with her new assignment. 

"Well the orders are,   
a. Look after him  
b. take care of him  
c. don't let him die. "

Fury said to her. 

"Fine. Do you expect a mission report every night too Steve?" She glared daggers at him while Steve just gave her his signature puppy dog eyes.

"Ms. Romanoff, I will visit Sargeant Barnes from time to time also so u don't need to worry." Loki offered.

Natasha just nodded and walk out the common room to clear her head and let off some steam.

"Just tell me if my first shift starts. I'll be in the training room shooting dummies." 

With that she banged the door shut behind her.


	5. Wanted: Baby sitter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a while. thank u for reading.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw if you read the first fic i made, impassive retort you will understand what's going on in the story

"Darling" Loki called to Sigyn as he climbed on to their bed informing her of his presence.

"Loki?? Did you just get in?" She asked as she pulled the switch of her nightlamp to turn on the light. It was 1:45am.

"Yes, Sigyn. I'm afraid a lot has been going on in the Avengers facility lately." He said.

Sigyn settled on his chest while tracing circles on his bare skin.

"Is there something wrong?" She asked looking up to him. Sigyn can't help but notice Loki's tired face, the dark circles around his eyes and his pale appearance.

"I'm not against this Avenging thing that you're doing. You know that I'm all for your decision in joining the team. But Loki, you shouldn't strain yourself too much my love. You know what your magic can do to your body. Remember what Dr. Strange told us?" She continued.

Loki sighed.

"I know and I am grateful for your concern however, Sargeant Barnes needs my help." 

"Bucky? What happened to him?" Sigyn asked.

"If you can still remember that incident when he was ill and yes, I may have gotten a bit jealous when you went to him?" Loki smiled then paused.

"Oh, I think 'a bit jealous' is an understatement." Sigyn chuckled as she reminisced while Loki rolled his eyes in annoyance.

"Fine, yes I was extremely jealous but anyway that's far from the point I'm making. Anyway, it seems the same as what happened to me with my magic, Barnes' brain is broken and is infected. He suffers from regular sickness like fevers, headaches and the likes. Then to make things worse than it already is, he collapsed just recently after a mission. Banner says, this will not be the only time that this will happen and we should expect that this will occur frequently. We just don't have any idea when." 

"That's so sad. So you used your magic to heal him?" 

"Heavens no. I tried to help lower down his fever though, and I did the scan so that we'd get to the bottom of this. I wish I could heal him entirely but severe damage like that will drain my magic and I might fall into a coma myself as it would greatly drain my seidr and my reserves.However, I vowed to work with Asgard's healers and look for the best antidote." Loki yawned, eyes drooping.

Sigyn kissed his cheek and reached to stroke his forehead.

"You've had a long day my love, it's best for you to sleep now. Tomorrow you will wake up to a new day and you can continue your research. I know you can do it. You're the best scholar in Asgard afterall. Goodnight. I love you."

"I love you too my darling."

Both of them closed their eyes and allowed sleep to take over.

\------

"Hey Nat, I thought you were with Bucky?" Clint said as he walked into her in the avengers common room, brooding. 

"Oh come on, Loki just left. Im sure he's gonna be fine. You dont expect me to look after him every minute." Came her angry reply.

"Nat, that's basically your mission." He argued.

Natasha bit her lip and closed her eyes as a sign of annoyance and glared at Clint. She left the room without saying anything but her stomping made the impression that she's extremely unhappy.

She entered Bucky's room and sat at the couch adjacent to his bed. She slammed two of her pistols on the coffee table within her reach as a precaution. She did that with such force it caused Bucky to wake. She wanted to let him know that she's there and she's ready. Any false move and she won't hesitate to shoot him. 

"Ms. Romanoff, you're here." Bucky said trying his best to sit up.

"You should know that I dont wanna be here. I'd rather be put on a mission in Afghanistan rather than babysit you Barnes. But, Fury gave me this job and I will accept it. Nevertheless you should take note of this.

1\. If you snap, i will shoot you  
2\. I will not go any where near you when you take a bath.  
3\. I will not spoon feed you  
4\. I will not wipe your ass  
5\. Try to puke all over me, and I will shoot you." Natasha said firmly, arms crossed while looking straight to his eyes.

Bucky did not know what to say but he nodded anyway. He felt uncomfortable and hurt but tried his best not to show it to her. 

'of course I'm not gonna snap Shuri already got rid of the winter soldier. and do I smell? is she suggesting that I should take a bath? of course I'll wipe my own ass and feed myself.' His words never made it out of his mouth. He just kept it and tried to get back to sleep. Loki's magic is strong anyway and it really helped him recover by providing him undisturbed rest. 

 

\-----

Morning came and Bucky woke up feeling 100% alright. He stretched his arms and tried to stand up slowly noticing that he doesn't get dizzy or his knees aren't at all wobbly. He surveyed the room and noticed that Natasha is sitting at the corner already awake and suited up, sipping her coffee with her pistols on top of the table beside the sugar and cream bottles.

He wanted to greet her a good morning but figured he might ruin her day more so he just turned around and pulled the table with his breakfast towards him. He ate in silence not wanting to annoy Natasha. When he was done, he grabbed a towel and decided to take a shower . Minutes after, Bruce came in and gave him the all clear. He also give him a paper which says that after two days, he can already accept missions provided that Natasha will keep him company. He felt glad while reading it but the idea of having Natasha with him all the time but not wanting to makes him shiver.   
This is going to be a tough time but he trusts Loki will find an answer and help him before it's too late.


	6. Hydra's trap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky wants to contribute and Natasha gets bored. Cap is away and so as the others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos guys. Drop some comments and brighten up my day. Thanks

"Can we just leave him here?" Natasha asked Tony while checking on her gear.

"No, if he stays here then you will sit this one out too."

"But To--"

"No buts Nat, Cap's orders. Anyway we need a marksman." Tony replied.

"Marksman?? We have Clint for crying out loud! If he's gonna be our sniper and I have to be with him all the time that means I gotta stay up there too." Natasha yelled at Tony.

Tony was about to yell back but heldback when Bucky entered the room.

"Stark... I don't want to bother Ms. Romanoff any further. I think I can handle myself here in the facility while she's gone." His voice quiet trying his best not to show that he's hurt.

"No old man I'm sorry but you've gotta come with us. This mission, it's a.. It's with..." Tony found it hard to get the right words so Nat finished his sentence for him.

"Hydra" 

"Hydra? I thought their done?" Bucky asked face pale and afraid.

"No this is just some stupid Pierce loyalist and you don't have to be on the ground too. We just need you to watch the perimeter if anyone escapes you take him down. That's why we need you as a sniper." Clint explained.

"I would do it but since Nat's gotta be with you, I will be inside the premises gathering all their data." He continued.

"I see. Perhaps it wouldn't hurt if I'd come. Im feeling okay anyway." Bucky agreed earning a glare and a huff from Natasha.

They all suited up and boarded the quin jet. Tony, Clint, Bucky and Natasha are only the ones who's called in because the mission is not that difficult and the others have their own missions too. Cap, Sam, Wanda and Vision are on an assignment in Siberia, while Rhodey's in Turkey. The team did not bother the Asgardians anymore seeing if Thor would be there it will be an overkill; while Loki on the other hand is busy researching for Bucky's cure. Meanwhile Peter has finals so Tony and the rest of the avengers ordered him to study.

\---

They reached the area and Tony started apprehending about 15 people while Clint gathered their data. The foot soldiers weren't as many so Bucky only fired a few shots and hit them on their legs so that Tony can gather up the criminals and let the feds deal with them. It was pretty boring for Natasha to stay up their until she sensed somebody coming towards them. Pistol ready, she aimed for the masked assailant heading towards Bucky. Bucky saw the attacker and caught sight of his hand that held a vial containing an unknown substance. Bucky pushed Natasha having her land a good five meteres away from him. He smashed the man's head with his vibranium arm knocking him out but the vial has already broken and released fumes. Natasha motioned to get up but Bucky threw a mask towards her and held his hand up as a sign for her to not get to him yet. 

"Natasha..., wear the mask... now. It's.. It's poison gas." He instructed while clutching his chest trying his best to stand up but instead falling over. Natasha wore the mask quickly and went up to him.  
She held her earpiece to inform the other two.

"Tony, Clint... Pls send medics asap. Barnes is down. I repeat Barnes is down." She said in an urgent but calm tone. Her hands were shaking but she did her best to hide her fear so thay Bucky won't see it.

"Damn it Barnes, Im supposed to babysit you. I got him already if you did not push me away." She said as she lifted Bucky's head and placed it on her lap. Bucky who's barely concious at that time tried to smile at her.

"If I.... I...hadn't he would've landed on us both... You... would've inhaled the fumes.. and by then both of us will get infected...of.. of whatever.. that is." He explained breathing heavily. 

"Tony! where are the medics?" Natasha yelled on her coms.

"ETA two minutes. Just hang on Barnes. I'm on my way there too." Tony said.

"You hear that Barnes? Help is coming just hang on. Both eyes open okay?" She said while rocking him slightly back and forth.

The medics arrived and lifted Barnes' unconcious form onto a stretcher. They moved him to an ambulance and sent him to Bruce's lab in the facility. Tony flew while clint took the quin jet. Natasha stayed with him inside the ambulance throwing curses to the medics who was panicking already just to keep Bucky's vitals stable. When they arrived Bruce was already wearing his scrubs together with Dr. Cho ready to treat Bucky.

Clint and Natasha also changed to scrubs to assist the doctors. 

"Clint, prepare to administer the IV. Nat, grab that oxygen tank and put the mask on him now." Both of them did what they were instructed to do and waited for further instructions. The four of them worked on Bucky until he's stable but still unconcious. Bruce went outside to talk to Tony as the three of them prepared Bucky to be transfered to the recovery room. 

"Tony, Did you call Steve already?" Bruce asked, voice low and worried.

"Yes I did, actually he's on his way back. How's Barnes?" He asked, pinching the crook if his nose as if to brace himself for a grave news.

"Tony he's not doing good. I think the gas he have inhaled was actually made for him. The mission Tony, I think it was a trap." Bruce tried to hesitate but he knew his speculations might be true.

"I'm starting to think that too. Oh well I'll be in my lab. Tell me if Cap's here already." He said then left Bruce. Meanwhile, Nat stayed beside Bucky's bed watching his breathing. Clint and Doctor Cho left the two of them. Bucky's face was pale and his nails has a light blue hue on them indicating that he's cyanotic. Natasha was tired but decided to stay up in case there are some changes on Bucky's status. She held his hand for a moment then pulled away. She decided to just cross her arms and watch him instead.


	7. Steve's here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh no Steve is here and he's bearing great but at the same time sad news.. Poor Bucky

Steve entered Bucky's room at around one thirty in the morning. He saw Nat sitting beside him looking tired but awake.

"Steve,  you're here." She said.

"Yes,  Stark called me and I took the first flight out. How is he?" He asked. 

"He's stable by now I guess. He can't breathe properly earlier so he's on oxygen but no fevers and  no complications yet." She answered.

"Should I wake him?" Steve asked as he pulled a chair and sat on the other side of the bed. 

"I suggest you just let him sleep" Natasha stood up and walked to Steve.

"Steve, do you think we should ask for the asgardians' help?" Natasha asked.  
Steve looked at Bucky's pitiful condition and decided that she might be right. He nodded then looked at her.

"It's too late Nat. I don't want to disturb them but if it's for my bestfriend.. Im willing to take my chances. Should we call Thor or do you think he sat on his cellphone again?" He contemplated for a while but Natasha just patted his back,  her way of telling him not to worry because she already has something in mind.

"Their friend Heimdall sees everyone in the nine realms, right? I think we'll just call our his name? I'm not sure how that works but it's worth a try I guess." 

She stepped outside leaving Steve alone with Bucky.

It wasn't long before Steve noticed Bucky waking up. He groaned and tried to yank away his oxygen mask but Steve was to quick for him so he let go and slowly opened his eyes. Everything was blurry at first but he concentrated on the figure hovering over him that was Steve.

"You jerk. Tony told me everything. Why would you do that?" Steve was firm with his tone, worried but angry at the same time.

"Steve you do realize that it's only about 2am and my lungs are literally on fire I can't really argue with you" Bucky wheezed trying to get up but just settled realizing that his elbows are in no way of cooperating with him.

"Right,  Im sorry.. but.. Buck,  I worry about you a lot. Bruce says that I shouldn't spend all my time just to be with you and that I should get a life too because we don't really know what's gonna happen but,  pal.. come on.. I can't go on missions and focus but thinking something might just happen. Im afraid.. that one day.." Steve trailed off.

"Steve, I know.. I know what Bruce said. Don't ask me who told me because nobody did. Trust me, I would know. I know my days may be limited. I know why Loki is spending to much of his energy to heal me.. I know there's something wrong with my body.. So you don't have to leave everything because of me.. You don't have to drop a mission because of me.. " 

"Buck.."

"No Steve, you don't have to.." 

"Buck..."

"Steve I understand..

"BUCKY!!"

Bucky was taken aback as Steve snapped..

"Sharon..."

'Oh no, please not now..' Bucky said to himself. Wishing all his fears weren't true.

"Buck, Sharon is Pregnant"

SILENCE. TOTAL SILENCE FILLED THE ROOM. 

"Buck, I.." Steve said but couldn't seem to finish his sentence as he looked at Bucky's defeated form. 

There was a flash of light outside the facility signalling that the asgardians are here. After a few mintues there was a knock on the door and Natasha entered the room with Thor, Loki, and Sigyn. 

"Bucky.." Sigyn went to him and held his hand as Loki followed his wife. Steve stepped back looking at Bucky who chose to hide all his feelings and gave his visitor's the fakest smile he could muster.


	8. Avoiding the captain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots of bucky whump again. Thnx guys

"S.J!!!!... I mean, Im sorry... Sigyn.. Just got used to calling you S.J." Bucky exclaimed as Both loki and his wife went inside his recovery room.

"Well you can call me however you want Buck." She said as she settled beside him reaching out to stroke his hair with her fingers.  
Bucky closed his eyes and leaned to her touch. Loki didn't seem to mind as he stood beside his wife.

"Loki Dear, could you do a quick scan? He's quite burning up. Have you noticed this Nat?" Sigyn asked.

Confused, Natasha went to Bucky and held the back of her palm to his forehead. Bucky's glassy eyes stared at her, his body flinching a little. Her brows furrowed and she could've melted with the way Bucky looked at her. Helpless and in pain. 

"His vitals were okay awhile ago before I went outside and called for you guys. Steve?" She looked at Steve who was extremely silent in the corner, face full of guilt.

"I.." He couldn't say anything. He caught a glimpse of Bucky who turned his head away from him, looking intently at Loki. 

"I gotta go Nat"  
He continued then left the room immediately. 

Loki reached for his seidr and ran a scan on Bucky. He looked at Sigyn worriedly and then contemplated on what to say. 

He then turned to Bucky and smiled sincerely. 

"I think this is just the after effects of the poison that he inhaled. He's body is currently fighting it hence the fever. I could help lower down his temperature and cast a dreamless spell so that he can rest and recuperate." 

Loki's palms glowed green as he performed some healing spells on Bucky.  
Bucky on the other hand closed his eyes and went to sleep afterwards. 

 

\------

Loki, Sigyn and Natasha stepped out of Bucky's room and followed Steve to the common room. He's sitting on one of the stools near the counter with a drink on his hand. A very unusual thing for him since he doesn't drink that much and the alcohol has little effect on him too. 

"Loki I can feel it if you're lying. Tell us the truth." Sigyn confronted her husband as they all settled on the couch.

"What do you want me to do? Say it on front of him? He is my friend Sigyn and saying it out loud means I'm just willing to accept the fact that I cannot help him and damn it I won't allow it!" Loki said rasing his voice a little.

"Hey, Jafar cool it." Tony said as he emerged from the elevator.

" What are you talking about Loki?" Natasha asked. 

"Sargeant Barnes.. James.. The poison he inhaled was designed specifically for him. The mission was a trap. They made that for him, to eliminate him. His organs are failing one by one as we speak. It's starting now with his kidneys.. I don't know whats next but I suppose, we'll be looking at some form of paralysis soon. Friends, I've been working hard to find a cure for his damaged mind. But with this added.. I don't know." Loki explained to them.

"Steve?" Natasha called out.

"Bucky was stable before I left. What happened? and don't just bow your head Captain America. We need to know the everything." She pressed.

"We talked. Guys, You all have to understand. Maybe it was my fault. I wanted to save Bucky so badly before and now that he's back I became selfish and wanted to start my life over too. Not realizing that he may still need me. But, I thought I dont want to waste my chance with happiness again. So me and Sharon we decided to pick up where we left off. I don't know how I should say this but Sharon's pregnant. I told him earlier but he seems not too happy about it. I should be glad sharing this to you but it's pretty tough right now. With Bucky's situation, I am becoming a bad friend." 

Nobody said anything for a while until Tony came up to him and gave him a warm hug. "Congratulations old man. I am genuinely happy for you."  
Nat hugged him as well as the two asgardians. They were all happy for him but extremely worried about Bucky.

\-----

Days have passed and Bruce allowed Bucky to leave the recovery room for a while so that he can stretch his legs, provided that natasha will be there with him. As days went by too, Bucky is still not speaking with Steve and ought to keep quiet. The only time you'll hear him talk is when Loki or Thor is around. 

Everyone is on a mission again so Nat was forced to stay behind to look after Bucky. This one particular afternoon, they decided they'd hang out at one of the facility's garden and just bask in the sun and enjoy the breeze. They'd gotten used to each other but both of them are still not talking. After a while, Natasha noticed that the clouds above them are getting heavier so she went up to where Bucky's sitting.

"We have to get you inside now. Take my hand I'll help you up Barnes." She said.

Bucky didn't say anything so Nat stood infront of him and repeated a bit loudly.

Still bucky was silent but this time he hid his face, and the hoodie that his wearing helped cover up everything.  
Natasha got impatient so she yelled at him saying the same lines. Then She noticed Bucky's shoulders shaking. She knelt down and took a look at his face only to catch the sight of him crying. 

"Ms. Romanoff.. Natasha.." He said her name in between sobs.

"I can't... I can't walk.. I can't even stand up... Natasha.. I can't feel my legs.." He broke down as fear has overtaken him.

"Damn it!! Thor!!! Thor we need you now!!" She called out at the dark sky knowing she can't carry Bucky and that nobody's home. With a flash of bright light, Thor rushed to them and carried Bucky without difficulty. The latter just rested his head on Thor's broad chest as he started sobbing again and then brought Bucky to Bruce's lab. Dr. Cho and Bruce met them and immediately started to tend to him. "


	9. The wheelchair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone for the kudos and comments.  
> Go on brighten up my boring day and drop some comments. Any suggestions will be welcome too

Steve and Sharon were at the hospital for Sharon's pre-natal check up. She's almost 3weeks pregnant and they're both thrilled to hear their baby's heartbeat. Even though she's been active at work,  turns out the baby is okay and she can continue with her daily routine. Steve's just blown away with the news that he's as if completely on cloud nine at that moment.  
They were walking towards their car in the parking lot when Steve's phone rang.

"It's Bruce. I think I have to take this." He told Sharon and she nodded in approval.

"Yes Bruce." He said.

"Steve, It's Bucky. I think you have to be here now." Bruce replied.

"Is it urgent? Did something happen? Im with sharon, we just came out of the clinic for her check up. I'll just send her home and then I'll go there right after." 

"Alright. Maybe it's best if you take Sharon home first."

"Okay." They both hung up their phones.

"Sharon, they said Bucky needs me in the tower. Im sorry I know I promised dinner..."

"I understand Steve. Dont worry about me. You can drop me off at the apartment and I can manage from there." She said as she entered the car wearing a sweet smile,  indicating that she's okay with it.

\-----

The drive from the hospital to their apartment was quick but the drive from their apartment to the facility was even quicker.

He stepped inside the common room and saw Thor, Sam,  Bruce, Tony and Dr. Cho huddled together all looking gloomy. 

"What happened? How is he?" He asked

"He's inside the room. He's been crying the whole evening and it's not helping with his cough." Sam informed him.

"Can I see him? Who's with him?" 

"Nat and Loki are there inside,  but I guess you can go and check up on him... Steve, Something happened this afternoon. Bucky just lost his ability to walk. We don't know the reason but Loki and Lady Eir (asgards chief healer) had already performed a spell on him to try to block the paralysis. It could've been worse if Thor didn't call them. He would've been paralyzed from neck down but they arrived before the damage on his nerves got severe enough so for now,  he's just paralyzed waist down." Sam continued. 

"Dr. Cho? Bruce?" Steve looked at the doctors hopeful they'd have better information but Dr. Cho just shook her head as Bruce spoke up.

"Steve, if it weren't for the asgardians Bucky would've died on his second day after he inhaled the poison. His bloodwork just came in and the virus is not like anything we have ever seen before. Their magic are the only thing that keeps him alive. Me and Dr. Cho are just here to assist. To provide care like IVs and pain relievers but thats it." 

Steved sighed and turned his back on them. He walked slowly to Bucky's room and knocked softly. He opened the door and stepped in.

Bucky was sitting on his bed, a pile of pillows propped behind him for support,  while Nat sat beside him holding his hand. Loki on the other hand was standing on his left side, hands over Bucky's body preforming complex healing spells. Eir has already left after blocking the paralysis and leaving Loki to take care of the other organs that needs healing. 

"Loki.." Bucky said, voice hoarse from crying too much.

"I think you already spent much of your magic for today. I'm quite better now. Maybe we can continue tomorrow,  you need your rest. I don't want your magic to flactuate again because of this." 

Loki was sweating and pale already signifying that his reserves are almost spent and that he needed to stop using his magic now. He looked at his friend as he stopped and asked Natasha to escort him outside,  afraid that his knees might give in while walking. Both left the room as Steve moved closer to Bucky. 

It was the first time Bucky looked at Steve straight in the eyes. They looked at each other for a minute until Bucky broke down in tears and so did Steve. He pulled Bucky into a tight hug and cried to his ear.

"Im sorry Buck. Im so sorry for being selfish. Im so sorry for thinking for myself only. I should've been there to protect you that day. I should've been with you when you felt that you were out of place. I shouldn't have let you suffer more. I failed from saving you on the train so you had to endure 70 years of pain. Now, again I left you to face this... this illness. You deserved happiness Buck afterall you did for me when Ma died,  but all I ever did was cause you pain. I'm so sorry..."  
Steve finally broke down. All of his guilt, all of the toughts that troubled him he just poured it all.

"None of this is your fault punk. It's all on Hydra. You did your best and Im sorry if I failed to understand you. If I got jealous because I thought I was losing the only person that reminded me of the old Bucky Barnes. It's so stupid of me to just depend on you when I should've realized sooner that Wanda and  Vis,  King T'challa,  Clint and even Loki were my friends too. That they understood me. Even Ms. Romanoff is warming up a little." He confessed as he pulled away from Steve's bone crushing hug.

"I can't bare the thought of you suffering Buck." Steve said.

"Steve, you don't have to drop everything because of me.. I know, Loki's just doing the best he could but until now I know there's no cure. He is my friend but he was the God of Lies afterall. I know he's lying when he said I'll be okay, but I won't tell him that." Bucky said sighing while Steve's sobs just got harder.

"Now don't get me wrong punk. I won't give up too. I will fight. I will try my best and will myself to undergo any treatment they'd offer as long as my mind and my body will allow it... But if all else fails, I want you to go on with your life.. Be with Sharon. Live the life you deserve." Bucky held Steve's face. He was dead serious and determined.

Steve just pulled him to a hug unable to say anything more.

\-------

 

Morning came and Bucky woke up to a new morning. He noticed Natasha not sitting on her usual place but instead holding his hand and sleeping on a chair beside him. 

"Miss Romanoff?" He whispered. To his surprise Nat woke up and looked at him, not wearing the same expression of contempt on her face, but instead looking at him with warm soft eyes.

"Barnes, you're up. I must've fallen asleep. I'm so sorry. Do you need anything. Do you want something to eat?" 

"No maam.. I'ts okay. Im fine.. I just wondered if you slept well in that position. You dont have to sit beside me the whole night. I'm not going anywhere anyway. Not with these incapable legs." He said wih a chuckle.

Natasha smiled and stroked his hair.

"Tony will be here any minute now. He promised to give you a wheelchair so can move around the facility. Do you think you'd like that?" She asked.

"I don't want to be a burden to you. So in that case I'll be happy to have that and roam around without you having to assist me in going anywhere. I have a vibranium arm to support me anyway so I think let's give this one some credit." 

"Okay.. Do you need anything? I'll go get you your breakfast."  
She said as she stood up.

"Well there is one thing you can do for me though Miss Romanoff."

"hmm"

"I hope you can call me Bucky. This is me. Not the winter soldier. This is the real me Bucky Barnes, the kid from brooklyn." 

"okay Bucky..." She said as she turned around but just as she reached the door, he looked around him and said, 

"Please call me Nat too."

Then she left to get him his breakfast. After a few minutes, she came back bringing some food. She placed it on the table for Bucky, grabbing the spoon first. That morning was the first time that she spoonfed his meal.


	10. The cold hearted black widow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha isn't so bad afterall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos guys. There are some references in this story that might seem to be confusing. So if you want to know what happened in the past, you can read impassive retort. It's a loki whump story actually but bucky has a major role there. Thnx. Leave some comments and suggestions pls. Love love love

Bucky roamed around the facility one afternoon alone as he was feeling fine that day. Loki and Eir has been visiting him in alternate days, using magic to heal him and block the poison in his Body. Natasha was out but promised to be back soon since she has an important press conference for the Avengers. Bucky was still wearing his hoodie and a blanket over his legs,  not because of him wanting to cover his face or him being ashamed of his immobile legs but because he just feels mostly cold all the time. He's starting to lose a bit of weight too but he's not entirely that skinny.

It was getting dark out so he decided to turn his wheelchair around but was startled when he saw Nat already standing behind her carrying a paperbag.

"Oh shit, you startled me.." He told her laughing goofily.  
Nat smiled at him.

"Now don't go saying that word when Steve is around or else you'll  get a wedgie." She said.

"Let's get you inside, I've got something for you."

 

Natasha pushed the wheelchair and headed to Bucky's room. When they reached it,  Natasha grabbed a stool and a table and placed them beside Bucky's bed. She allowed Bucky to transfer to his bed on his own knowing that it helps boost his morale. When he was finally settled, Nat sat on his bed and placed the food that she bought on the table.

"I told you I have something for you. Close your eyes?" She teased.

Bucky smiled and obeyed.

She opened the food cover and told him to open his eyes. Bucky's mouth fell as he looked at the feast in front if him. They have hashbrowns, bacons, eggs, and pancakes. Bucky is such a sucker for breakfast food Steve said so she surprised him with it instead of the usual broth and low sodium meals that Bruce prescribed for him all day.

"I can't believe this. Did Bruce allow all these?" He beamed.

"No, but I asked Loki and He gave me this oil in case your stomach reacts in a bad way later on." She replied holding up a small vial for him to see. 

"I guess I'll dig in.." He shrugged as he tried to grab his fork but Natasha was too quick for him again.  
"I'm doing it Buck, try to stop me and I'll shoot you." She said.

"I vividly remember you telling me that you won't feed me?" He asked her quite puzzled.

"Well, things change and I kinda enjoy mother henning you. You're a very good patient afterall."

He smiled at her quite embarrassed but she started to spoon feed him anyway. Turns out both of them shared the food Nat brought for dinner.

When they're done eating, Natasha cleaned up and helped Bucky to his wheel chair. She maneuvered the contraption towards the bathroom to allow him his "personal" time. He emerged after a few minutes then Nat helped him to get to bed.

"Nat..." Bucky called out to her. She's sitting on a stool beside his bed, busy reading a magazine about guns. 

"hmmm"

"I'm not really tired yet. Do you like maybe.. want to.. watch something?" He asked albeit shy.

"Well you know you had a bad reputation in asking a girl to watch a movie with you right?" She chuckled, remembering the time when he asked SJ (Sigyn) to watch a movie with him and ended up badly when Loki found out.

"Well, I know. I just thought.. yeah I should probably try to sleep now." He sighed.

"Im just messing with ya. So, you and Sigyn watched the fellowship of the ring right? Maybe we'll watch the two towers now, I already saw the first one anyway." She stood up to get the remote then went back to the bed.

"Move over, let me sit on the bed. The stool is not very relaxing." She told him.

"Dare to make "the move" and I will break your spine. Even Loki's magic won't be able to help you." She warned.

Bucky nodded nervously as he moved a little to accomodate Natasha on his bed. 

Half way through the movie Bucky almost regretted eating too much. He felt quesy and there's a dull pain in his stomach. He closed his eyes for a few seconds hoping that the wave of nausea will just pass but it seemed to have only worsened. He's sweating even though the room is cold. When he felt like he can't take it anymore, he scrambled to the other side of the bed almost falling as he puked his guts out. 

"Oh my God Bucky!" Natasha yelled as she stood up and tried to walk to the other side of the bed. Bucky held up his hand as he continued to puke all of his dinner on the floor. 

"Don't.. come.. near me.." He said in between his heaving.

"I don't want.... you to shoot me... because of me puking... on you." He struggled to continue.

" Oh for the love of anything that's holy, just shut it." Natasha growled as she rubbed soothing circles at his back.

When he seems to be done, he layed his back to his pillows again weakly. He kept his eyes closed to avoid getting dizzy again. Natasha called the cleaning service and bribed them to not tell anyone what happened. After they left, Nat uncorked the vial Loki gave him and asked Bucky to lift his shirt to reveal his stomach.

"This is all my fault. I should've sticked to Bruce's instructions. I am so sorry Bucky."

"Nah, it was all worth it anyway." His reply barely a whisper.

She poured some of the liquid into her palms and started rubbing Bucky's stomach. He's a bit warm but the slow steady motions of Nat's hands helped him relax. 

Natasha bit her lip as she stared at his perfectly built abdomen. Her breaths started to become heavy and she hid her face behind her hair trying so desperately to hide the blush on her cheeks. 

'Damn it.' She cursed herself. Why is this turning her on? She shook her head and focused on the task at hand. She took a glimpse of Bucky's face and noticed his mouth is slightly open and his breathing is smooth and stable. He seems to have fallen asleep already. She pulled his shirt back in place then covered him with a thin blanket. She realized he's a bit cold so she took him to her arms and gently placed his head to her chest.

At around 2:30am, Natasha woke up to a grunting noise. She looked at Bucky who was currently up sitting, clutching his stomach. 

"Buck?" she asked softly.

"Nat, I wont be able to.. Hold.." Then without a warning he vomitted all over himself and on Natasha. He was shaking violently because of how awful he felt and for the fear of Natasha shooting him at that very moment.

"Im sorry.. Im so so sorry.. I didn't mean to. I just cant hold it.. I tried Nat, forgive me.. I didn't" He broke down in light sobs. She said nothing as she stood up and removed the soaked blankets. She hoisted him to his wheel chair, provided him a bucket to puke on if he becomes nauseated again, then took care of the soiled sheets. She removed his clothes shushing small protests from Bucky then went to the bathroom to fill a basin with water. She took a wash cloth then cleaned him up. After that, She took out a fresh pair of Pjs and helped him wear it. Nat proceeded on replacing the mattress with a fresh sheet then decided to clean herself in the bathroom very quickly. She changed into one of Bucky's shirts and boxers then helped him get back to bed. She let him lean his body onto her as she poured some of the liquid from the vial and reached over his stomach to gently massage it again. She did this while whispering to him.

"Hush now Buck, you don't have to worry. It's okay. This is all my fault anyway. I should be the one who's sorry. Just relax okay?" 

Nat noticed that Bucky has drifted to sleep so she gave his head a light kiss then layed him to her chest again, humming an old russian lullaby that she rememebered when she was young. Both of them stayed in that position until morning and thankfully, Bucky's stomach did not bother them again.


	11. The black widow falls in love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos guys.. Things will get a bit steamy for Nat and Bucky but ya'll just gotta chill.. Comments and suggestions are welcome..
> 
> Lotsa love

After the incident with his dinner,  Bucky and Natasha have been a bit closer than what they've expected ti be. She's always there when Loki or Eir visits him and holds his hand the whole process.

"I never told anyone Nat, but everytime they visit and perform the healing spells, my head hurts like hell. I don't know why, my legs were the problem but shit, my head feels like it's going to explode everytime." 

He told her one time after one visit. Nat kept her composure to stop herself from crying in front of him. She sometimes locks herself in the bathroom, allowing her emotions to flow through her. It was all a blur for her. It has been too much,  watching the person that you love fade away... Wait what? Love? She's not sure about anything but all she knows is that it's different with him than with Bruce. When she was with Bruce it has all been about restriction,  about her trying too much to make her admiration work. She has to push herself all the time. While the other just won't accept her. Until she realized that it wasn't worth all the effort. Then here she goes again,  gambling with her feelings. Everybody knows that there's no assurance when it comes to Bucky's fate,  but why does she keep on hoping. Hoping against hope that eveything will turn out alright. That Bucky haven't received his death sentence yet. Steve refused to accept that, Loki had refused to admit that and to hell with everything,  she refuses to acknowledge that too. Bucky will get through this,  because if he can't then there's no reason for her to live anymore. No, she won't kill herself if he leaves. She's too strong for that. Suicide is for cowards but sacrificing yourself and dying in battle is a different story. 

\----------

One morning,  Steve called her on her phone.

"Steve?"

"Nat, I just talked to Loki. He said He and Lady Eir had already developed a potion that will enable his legs to feel. They may still be too weak to be used for walking but at least,  he will be able to feel." Steve said sounding ecstatic.

"That's great news. That would mean that their is still hope that he can walk again,  and if that'possible,  then maybe there's a chance that he will be healed completely." She said.

"I sure hope there is. Anyway, I'm coming over later with Sharon. We'll be there when Loki gives him the potion. See you later Nat."

"yeah, okay"  
They both hung up. Natasha ran as fast as she could to Bucky's room. When she reached it, he's still sleeping so she hopped to his bed and kissed his forehead. He groaned slightly,  waking up to her presence.

"Hey, wake up sleepy head." She said.

"hey, doll"He said.

"Doll? you never called me that before.." She smirked.

"Oh.. Im sorry.. I was just.. I assumed.. Im sorry I was a bit groggy.. just woke up.. Nat,  I meant to call you Nat.." He stammered, fully awake now.

"No,  no.. I like it. It's quite refreshing actually, rather than the usual "Romanoff" or "Widow"."

He sighed in relief trying to sit up straight.

"Anyway, Steve called and we have some good news for you soldier."

"News?"

"Well, Loki and the Healers of Asgard made a potion for you. They said it could help you feel your legs. With that being done, we may start your therapy." She explained to him.

"That's really nice to hear doll. I really wish I will be able to get up on my ass and start working. I miss the field." 

"Can't wait to team up with you again,  only this time no self sacrifices okay?" She said slowly leaning on to him, looking straight to his eyes. She was calm and focused while Bucky just stared at her nervously as her lips drew nearer to his. His heart was beating fast now.. he can't think anymore.. he just closed his eyes as her lips crashed into his. The kiss was soft,  delicate and full of passion. She brushed his hair with her fingers and he pulled her closer to her to him.

"Im sorry.." Nat said looking away from him.

"No, I should be sorry Nat. I shouldn't have let my feelings take over" He buried his face into his palms.

"feelings? What do you feel Bucky?"

"I think I love you" He said still not looking at her.

"Love? it wasn't that long ago that you were in love with Sigyn too? How can you be so sure?" She asked brows furrowed.

"I never said I loved her.. Yes I tried to pursue her but it never happened. I mean, Loki was guarding her all the time. Turns out it was a good thing too since she's actually his wife. But with you Nat, you were there with me since day one. You never liked me but you did your best to take care of me. I had the opportunity to know you more... The real you." 

"and what is the real me?" She pressed.

"You like to read romance novels and hide it behind Gun magazines. You like to sing sappy love songs while in the shower. You wear that strawberry cologne when you're just sporting your cotton pjs. You like to caress my forehead when you think that Im asleep and not aware of everything around me.... You are not the tough girl that every one expects you to be when you're alone. You are still a woman with needs. Needs such as a compliment every now and then, love and protection eventhough you can kick ass for a living.." He trailed off.

"You noticed all those Buck?"

He smiled and nodded. She smiled back and kissed his cheek.

"Oh well, Steve and Sharon will be here later when Loki arrives so you soldier have to get ready, now come on. I'll go get the tub ready for you."

She stood up and helped Bucky to his wheelchair then went inside the bath. Nat got the tub ready, making sure that the water is just warm enough for him. He stripped to his boxers and hoisted himself to the tub. It took a while but he managed not to slip even if she was there staring at him the whole time.

"So that's why it took you forever to get done. Okay from now on, I will help you run your bath okay? Saves more time and at least we can avoid accidents." She said casually.

Bucky blushed at her words, quite puzzled with what he's hearing.

"I thought you said.." 

"I know what I said and so help me I will shoot you if you'd repeat that. You are not alone in this now. You're with me.. and I will be here to take care of you. Not just a mission, but because I wanted to. Now go, tut-tut! Zip it or I'll drown you." She cut him off, her words firm and decided.

She started cupping water into her palms and wetting his hair. She poured some shampoo and gently massaged his scalp then after that, she rinsed his hair using the showerhead, making sure that the water pressure is gentle enough to be relaxing. She then reached for the loufa, poured some liquid soap and formed a lather. She started gently scrubbing his neck, down to his back then his arms. She shifted her postion to reach for his abdomen then went ahead and started to scrub and massage his legs. Bucky felt so tensed but can't help but close his eyes since he had never felt this pampered since he was a child. She held his flesh hand and massaged it looking at him intently. Bucky blushed again too shy to say anything. She now handed him the bottle of soap and said with a snigger, 

"Like I told you there is no way I'd wipe your ass." 

"Shame, you just lost a chance to pet my seabass.." He teased.

"Well there'll be plenty of chances for that soldier. We're kind of running out of time and trust me, once I'd get the chance to pet your seabass, 15 minutes of bath time will be too short for you." She smirked again. She turned on the cold water hitting Bucky's skin with a surprise. The sudden change of temperature shocked him so much he yelped. Natasha just laughed at him while draining the tub. She again helped him to his wheel chair and wrapped a fluffy towel around his shoulders.

"I'd leave you to change Bucky. I'll just be outside waiting for you." 

She smiled at him again and left the bathroom. 

"Oh, God.." He said to himself. Then went on to change and get ready for Steve's arrival.


End file.
